A little experiment

I didn't wake up feeling quite as rested as I would've liked this morning. Not sure why; I went to bed nice and early, and slept right through. It may have something to do with the glass of wine I had...I have become ridiculously sensitive to alcohol recently, (I am hoping this is a sign I am more in tune with my body, but right now, I sort of wish I wasn't quite so in tune with it)!

So I have been saying to myself and anyone who asks that I am tired, but having given it some thought I have decided this is reinforcing my connection to my ego and that I need to acknowledge tiredness, but not make it a part of who I am. I figure ego-linked identities can be temporary, like being tired. So the experiment is not to be tired, but just to feel tired.

I am hoping that feeling tired will make it less important, and it will feel more like a passing circumstance than a startling reality -- it won't become part of who I am, just part of how I feel now.

The second part of the experiment is to yield to the feeling. Yielding is quite a big theme in my Yoga classes. My teacher is always saying, don't collapse, don't strain, just yield. Sounds like a pretty awesome life philosophy to me...I just hope it doesn't result in me falling asleep at my desk!

Today is just as it should be

A beautiful morning today. Cycling in to work was the perfect way to start the day, a crisp breeze to prevent the usual stickiness of summer cycling, coupled with the feeling of sun on my skin. What I love about cycling is the movement; it is great for bringing me into the now, and I get a reel sense of presence when I am on my bike.

I especially love bringing my attention to my skin, the feeling of the wind on my arm, my hairs tickling the skin; the dappling of sunshine and shade, hot and cool as I move and the low morning sun appears and disappears behind buildings. Then there is my muscles slowly waking up after a long and restful night's sleep, stretching and working to the rhythm of the bike. Visually, cycling in London is a feast, you have to be looking everywhere, watching for hazards, traffic lights, glancing the green trees that line many of the roads on the trip. Everything is happening and you can see it, hear it, feel it, even smell it. And there is no time to think, not if you are busy feeling, seeing and cycling!

I find it is this kind of meditation, presence, consciousness (whatever you want to call it), that I am drawn to most, and I feel it gradually and powerfully beginning to permeate everything I do.

Another example is last night in yoga class. I found I had preconceptions of what I wanted from the class. I did not realise this until my teacher mentioned that we would be working on inversions. I suddenly felt my body become tense, and emotion rising within me, but instead of letting it ruin my class, I lay there, in savasana, and observed the reaction within myself. And you know what, I am really starting to enjoy experimenting with the handstand, and I am convinced that the class was just as it should have been.

Graduation

Last night was my final class in Beginner's Yoga. I started the course in April, with only a vague idea of what I was getting myself into. Needless to say I loved it, (otherwise I wouldn't give up a valuable Tuesday night once a week). Bean and I undertook the course together, both with different expectations and assumptions, most of which were blown out of the water within two weeks. To explain the course would be somewhat pointless because the experience is different for everyone, but I will endeavour to describe the effect it has had on me.

For starters, it brought me a new awareness of my body, and especially my breath. This lead to an acceptance of myself, which I found an immense relief. I am also beginning to tap into a stillness within myself; a relief during the madness my cycle commute to work in the mornings and evenings, and when I join the long queues at Clapham Junction on the days I can't seem to muster the energy for the cycle ride (often due to torrential summer rain). I suppose what I didn't expect from Yoga was that it would change my day-to-day life. That now, when I need a glass of water from downstairs (I work on the 7th floor), I take the stairs, and I enjoy the walk. I take the time and feel the stretch of my legs, breathe deeply and stop thinking for 6 flights. It leaves me with a strong feeling of presence, of occupying the moment not being a product of the past or a part of the future, (although I must give some credit to Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now -- Great book).

I would never say that Yoga is for everyone, but I do find that today, looking back over the past three months, I am a more content, more accepting person, both in regards to myself and others.