What I know -- I think

Be Here - Now (Thank you Mr Tolle)



Eat Food, not too much, lots of vegetables (Thank you Mr. Pollan)



Drama feeds Drama feeds Drama feeds Drama (Thank you Mr Tolle)



Life is Beautiful- whether it be in a rare orchid or a dung beatle



Sleep is Sacred -- So is meditation

Forgiveness is Freedom

Nothing Lasts Forever

A little experiment

I didn't wake up feeling quite as rested as I would've liked this morning. Not sure why; I went to bed nice and early, and slept right through. It may have something to do with the glass of wine I had...I have become ridiculously sensitive to alcohol recently, (I am hoping this is a sign I am more in tune with my body, but right now, I sort of wish I wasn't quite so in tune with it)!

So I have been saying to myself and anyone who asks that I am tired, but having given it some thought I have decided this is reinforcing my connection to my ego and that I need to acknowledge tiredness, but not make it a part of who I am. I figure ego-linked identities can be temporary, like being tired. So the experiment is not to be tired, but just to feel tired.

I am hoping that feeling tired will make it less important, and it will feel more like a passing circumstance than a startling reality -- it won't become part of who I am, just part of how I feel now.

The second part of the experiment is to yield to the feeling. Yielding is quite a big theme in my Yoga classes. My teacher is always saying, don't collapse, don't strain, just yield. Sounds like a pretty awesome life philosophy to me...I just hope it doesn't result in me falling asleep at my desk!

The Trees are Smiling

Really they are! Trees love wet mornings, the rain pattering on their thirsty leaves, and seeping into their labyrinthine roots. They love the warm wetness of August rain, and the slowly appearing cracks in the greyness, that become their breakfast, a nice leaf-ful of sunlight! Bursting with energy and water and its only 11am, they are ready for their day.

Always in the now, not worrying, just soaking up the sun and the rain, there may even be a rainbow, but there doesn't need to be- because the beauty of the rainbow, is just the beauty, power, majesty and grace of light, seen in a slightly different way through a rain drop. The grace is there Now, rainbow or no rainbow.

Have a Great Day

Meditation

I learned a new (to me) meditation technique last night, and wanted to share it, as it really helped me to focus quickly on the now. Sit comfortably, or lie on the floor on your back, and take a few deep belly breaths before you begin. It is a counting technique & the idea is to count your breaths (on the exhale) from 10 to 1, (not audibly, just in your mind) and then begin at 10 again. If you lose count, just start wherever you think you left off, if you prefer visualisation to saying the number to yourself, that is fine, and may lead to a quieter space for you to sit in. I did this for a bout 8 minutes and then spent a further minute or so consciously relaxing my brain, (which feels really good). Eventually the numbers will become unnecessary, (it may not be the first time you try the meditation--wasn't for me) in this case, just let the numbers drop away and sit in the stillness. Give it a try and tell em how you find it!

A New Earth

Ok, so I know I may be getting a little ahead of myself, but I began reading Eckhart Tolle's sequel to The Power of Now, it is called A New Earth, it has been quite a hit, since Oprah chose it for her book club and did a series on online tutorials with Tolle.

The book is beautifully written, and I find it much easier to assimilate, and somehow gentler than PON, although I am still glad I read PON first because it gives a great grounding in the subject. A New Earth is more focused on how to bring the power of now into your day to day life.

The book begins beautifully with a passage on the importance of flowers. Tolle writes that their inherent beauty is due to their impermanence, which allows the brightness of their being to shine through. I love this concept, and it is definitely true that flowers are at their most beautiful and breathtaking when you just observe them, as opposed to labelling them and thinking about them. With that in mind, my camping trip in Sussex Monday and Tuesday took on a new light.

I would like to say that the trip was 48 hours of mindfulness, with no thinking, and a wonderful sense of being, and communing with nature, and in a way that's true....but it isn't the whole truth!

Bean and I forgot a watch, and decided not to bring a phone, this lead to a great sense of freedom, and complete lack of thinking about time, (try counting how many times you look at a clock in a day, how many of those are necessary?). We also spent about an hour on the second day walking in silence. I spent this time focusing on being aware, and observing the beautiful birch forests, the ground littered with bracken, and the occasional babbling brook. This was a beautiful experience and I truly felt the life of the forest in the vibrant greens of the leaves and the damp mosses on the trees. I must admit that I kept singing to myself, I just could not get this song out of my head (I can't even remember what it was now), but that was a gentle reminder of just how in control my mind is -- there is definitely a need for practise! When the song receded, even for a second or two, or when I stopped paying attention to the song, that was when I felt the beauty of the forest most strongly.

The silent walking especially and the whole trip in general was a revitalising and refreshing experience, and I can honestly say I have never seen as much beauty in a cow, a sheep, or a fallen tree trunk than I did whilst focusing on observing them, not labelling them. I also learned to navigate properly which is such a relief as I have lots of adventures planned in the near future for which it will be an indispensable skill. Watch this space!

A Lesson in Impermanence

In meditation class yesterday, in which we discussed:

the world is a mirror reflecting ourselves
total presence in the now equates to total forgiveness
once you have forgiven the whole situation is changed & improved
your emotions are a physical manifestation of your thoughts and therefore your mind (not you)

and as if to reinforce all the beautiful knowledge, after leaving the class I realised my bicycle had been stolen. My beautiful 21st birthday present, the perfect fit, the racing bike of my dreams, gone. So with great effort (I am not going to pretend it was easy), I walked away, and observed my emotions, without becoming involved in them, I accepted the situation and then decided in a course of action, and I tried to keep myself in my body, in the present, and in the stillness. I wasn't wildly successful, I loved that bike, (attachment!), and I am trying very hard to pay off debts and save for a once-in-a-lifetime style trip to South America, I do not particularly want to spend money on a new bike. But, looking back over yesterday evening, 'old me' very well may have been in a mood all night, felt like a victim and got completely engrossed in my life situation, completely forgetting the life within me.

So, I am actually quite pleased, I am making progress, I feel there is more peace in my life, and more presence, and I am quite looking forward to the opportunity to choose a new bike, I would quite like the next one to be green!

As well as the lessons I learned about myself, I am also reminded of the impermanence of things in this world, and the subsequent danger of attachment. It is frightening and humbling to be reminded that nothing in this world lasts forever - at least not in its current form, but also very liberating.

Not only can it be liberating, but it is also counterbalanced with the eternal nature of light, energy, divinity, God, whatever you want to call it, and these are the two things that all life forms have in common- mortality and eternity.

Who am I?

Last night was my first class for my new meditation course, based on the text by Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. No matter what the class there is almost an element of anticipation before the first session, and this was no different, but it was short-lived. The environment was welcoming, and sipping water with mint leaves and lime was refreshing after a sweaty cycle.

I have dabbled in meditation since I was twelve, but never truly committed to it. The reason it appeals to me is not particularly esoteric, if I am honest, the reason is that I want to quiet my mind. I tire of the constant chatter of my thoughts, most of which are pointless, the worst of which are harmful and poisoning. It exhausts me, thinking so much all the time, right up until the second I fall asleep.

Tolle's book focuses on just this principle. He suggests that thoughts have taken over our consciousness. Instead of using our thoughts as a tool, we have allowed our thoughts to become us, to define us, and to create suffering. The teacher yesterday put it beautifully. He said, 'who knows what you are thinking? you do. Someone is watching those thoughts, and that is who you truly are.' I love this idea, the idea that our thoughts are just a small part of ourselves, and not who we are.

This means that whatever you do or think, you are still you, whether your home is repossessed, you're fired, you lose your limbs, you think you are losing a part of your identity, of who you are, but you aren't because who we are is stronger than that, and unlike all our thoughts, who we are is eternal, thoughts are impermanent. It is also scary, because it means that the house we are working towards buying, the job we have, and the partner we are searching for, will not change who we are; will not make us 'better'.

We are already the best version of ourselves, we just have to learn to tap into ourselves by letting go of our thoughts, and this is, of course, achieved through meditation. So I am going to explore the me behind the thoughts by various meditation techniques. This week: watching my thoughts. By becoming aware of my thoughts, I can separate myself from them and begin to understand (not intellectually, but consciously) that I am not my thoughts, and this is step one.

It is a pretty life changing concept, and if you really want to explore it I highly recommend the book. I will keep you posted on how the course goes. Comments welcome, I'd love to hear what you think!

Graduation

Last night was my final class in Beginner's Yoga. I started the course in April, with only a vague idea of what I was getting myself into. Needless to say I loved it, (otherwise I wouldn't give up a valuable Tuesday night once a week). Bean and I undertook the course together, both with different expectations and assumptions, most of which were blown out of the water within two weeks. To explain the course would be somewhat pointless because the experience is different for everyone, but I will endeavour to describe the effect it has had on me.

For starters, it brought me a new awareness of my body, and especially my breath. This lead to an acceptance of myself, which I found an immense relief. I am also beginning to tap into a stillness within myself; a relief during the madness my cycle commute to work in the mornings and evenings, and when I join the long queues at Clapham Junction on the days I can't seem to muster the energy for the cycle ride (often due to torrential summer rain). I suppose what I didn't expect from Yoga was that it would change my day-to-day life. That now, when I need a glass of water from downstairs (I work on the 7th floor), I take the stairs, and I enjoy the walk. I take the time and feel the stretch of my legs, breathe deeply and stop thinking for 6 flights. It leaves me with a strong feeling of presence, of occupying the moment not being a product of the past or a part of the future, (although I must give some credit to Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now -- Great book).

I would never say that Yoga is for everyone, but I do find that today, looking back over the past three months, I am a more content, more accepting person, both in regards to myself and others.

Inner Voice

I found it! I have discovered my inner voice. The chanting evening was a truly enlightening experience, I came out feeling lightened, relaxed and more in touch with myself than ever before. Big claims for an hour and a half of chanting, I know. It was a medium sized group of about 20 people, all of whom were there for different reasons, and all of whom took different things away from the experience.
Sharing a room with people on a similar path is uplifting in itself; everyone was open (to varying degrees) to the experience, and we all had a good time. The most interesting part for me was an exercise called one breath, one voice, one sound. The Idea is to stand in the middle of the room and make whatever sound you want to. This freedom seems rare in our busy modern lives, and a non-judgemental environment is not always easy to find. Everyone made completely different sounds, no two were alike, and they certainly didn't match up to my expectations, small women screaming their lungs out, large men singing gentle tones, the list goes on. This was not the most powerful part of the experience for me though; that would have to be my turn. I was suitably nervous but knew I wanted to give it a go. I had an idea the sound would be a cool high toned Laaa...it was not, it was a more visceral, more tuneful, more honest sound, and I am not quite sure where it came from, but I liked it, and I recommend making more noise to anyone and everyone! I certainly will be.