Who am I?

Last night was my first class for my new meditation course, based on the text by Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. No matter what the class there is almost an element of anticipation before the first session, and this was no different, but it was short-lived. The environment was welcoming, and sipping water with mint leaves and lime was refreshing after a sweaty cycle.

I have dabbled in meditation since I was twelve, but never truly committed to it. The reason it appeals to me is not particularly esoteric, if I am honest, the reason is that I want to quiet my mind. I tire of the constant chatter of my thoughts, most of which are pointless, the worst of which are harmful and poisoning. It exhausts me, thinking so much all the time, right up until the second I fall asleep.

Tolle's book focuses on just this principle. He suggests that thoughts have taken over our consciousness. Instead of using our thoughts as a tool, we have allowed our thoughts to become us, to define us, and to create suffering. The teacher yesterday put it beautifully. He said, 'who knows what you are thinking? you do. Someone is watching those thoughts, and that is who you truly are.' I love this idea, the idea that our thoughts are just a small part of ourselves, and not who we are.

This means that whatever you do or think, you are still you, whether your home is repossessed, you're fired, you lose your limbs, you think you are losing a part of your identity, of who you are, but you aren't because who we are is stronger than that, and unlike all our thoughts, who we are is eternal, thoughts are impermanent. It is also scary, because it means that the house we are working towards buying, the job we have, and the partner we are searching for, will not change who we are; will not make us 'better'.

We are already the best version of ourselves, we just have to learn to tap into ourselves by letting go of our thoughts, and this is, of course, achieved through meditation. So I am going to explore the me behind the thoughts by various meditation techniques. This week: watching my thoughts. By becoming aware of my thoughts, I can separate myself from them and begin to understand (not intellectually, but consciously) that I am not my thoughts, and this is step one.

It is a pretty life changing concept, and if you really want to explore it I highly recommend the book. I will keep you posted on how the course goes. Comments welcome, I'd love to hear what you think!